Is He Straying in Your Marriage?

Husband: As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, “You know what?
You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side…
You know what Martha?”

 

Wife:               “What dear?” she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

 

Husband:         I’m beginning to think you’re bad luck.

 

What do you have to say to him? Email: ngozindubisi2013@yahoo.com

 

The cheating husband

Gary Neuman a marriage therapist for 23 years has this to say on cheating husbands; “92 per cent of men who cheat are sexually satisfied at home. Only 8 per cent of men cheat because they want more physical intimacy. 48 per cent say they’re missing an emotional connection at home, so they cheat on their wives. Surprisingly, 77 per cent of husbands who cheated had best friends who also cheated on their wives. This means that your husband’s friends have a very real, direct effect on your marriage. If your husband’s best friend is cheating, then the chances are that your husband may cheat on you.”

 

Signs your husband is cheating

A woman’s intuition is the most important indicator that a man is cheating, but if you are experiencing mixed signals from your instincts, it’s because this is an extremely emotional subject!
So how would one know  for sure that he is cheating outside your intuition?

 

1. He avoids physical and emotional contact
2. He’s not as interested in physical intimacy as he was before
3. He stays away from home
4. He criticizes you at every turn
5. He picks fights or starts arguments with you
6. He finds nothing good, in whatever you do.

 

Your marriage is one of the most important things in your life, and looking for signs your husband is cheating is devastating. So why look for what will hurt you? Instead of looking, if you suspect your man is cheating on you, find out why, repair the wrongs and re-establish your love and care for each other. Don’t allow another to reap where you have sown in tears, sweat and blood.

 

Why do people have affairs?

When a man or woman cheats, it is hardly ever just because they have met someone they cannot resist, there’s often a hidden meaning lurking behind an infidelity. Here, let’s examine some common reasons for cheating and the chances for recovery:

 

Dissimilarity: This is a situation when one or both partners won’t argue. They skirt around differences rather than work through them. As they are not sharing everything, they won’t feel as close, which leads to loneliness, so they seek out closeness elsewhere.

 

Vulnerabilities: To some couple, the fear of letting down their guard and showing their vulnerability, and admitting their dependence and need of their partner, frightens the life out of them, that they prefer to argue. Their goal becomes to see and hear the other is at fault.

 

Unable to handle reality: In this case, with the culprit, when the honeymooning is over and the day to day married life demands hits him or her, it becomes too complicated for them and they tend to blame the other spouse for whatever is bugging them and this sometimes leads to affairs and their subsequent break-up.

 

 

Sexual addiction: Like every addiction, the feeling of unsatisfied sex craving leaves a feeling of emptiness and the need to go outside the marriage to satisfy the addiction becomes a do or die affair, but it never really lasts.

 

Wanting to eat his cake and have it: This is when the cheating partner wants it all. He (it’s usually the he) wants his wife and family but wants a mistress as well.

 

Other reasons why married couples cheat

Comparing new with the old: comparing past relationship with your marriage, even your friend’s marriage with yours.

Pride and ego: Carrying oneself with so much pride that he tramples on others emotions.

Unhealthy association: Knowledge is good, but what we do with it is what could lead one to cheat or either make or break a home.

Inviting a Third Party:  A bad friend or advice could lead a spouse to cheat and destroy his home.

Unguarded utterances: When a spouse continues being at the receiving end of abuse or belittling comments, at a point there will be a rebellion to either find solace elsewhere or move on.

Class differences: Couples carry their family pride into the marriage to the detriment of the union and the family also bears down on the unequal spouse.

What we all need for our bliss is a little giving and a little bending backwards.

 

 

Men who don’t make good husbands
Some men are great fun to date, but are not just it when it comes to marriage. For whatever reason, they are not just husband material. These category of men are:

The guy who broke your heart and never really apologized

Just because he is all you desire of a man, and he gives you all the green lights, does not make him a material for long lasting marriage when he keeps hurting you over and over with no apologies. He will leave the marriage before you say Jack.

 

The cheat
It’s not the matter of “Once a cheat always a cheat,” but if you were cheated-on, time and again, why think he will change when you marry? Why enter a marriage where trust is an issue from the onset?

The I before others man
If a guy is too preoccupied with himself in courtship, he will definitely be more of that in marriage, where he is the lord and master of the home. If they deny you little, little things you love; think before you leap sister!

 

The con artist
If your man connives to dupe and spend money lavishly on you, sorry sister, your guy just showed and proved he cannot be trusted. Even if he never does the same to you, con-men are shady characters, and you never can tell what he’ll do next that may land you in police net or worse.

 

The workaholic
Being ambitious is admirable. But working so late “week in, week out” calls for a rethink, he’ll never be there when you need him. Maybe when he’s just starting out and it’s the only option to get ahead it is okay, but after that, be wise…

 

House –husband (Mr. lazy)

Maybe you are the breadwinner for now and you don’t mind, you see him doing what no other could do as sign of his love for you. Your stay at home man should contribute in some way to making your home a happy one. It’s either he cooks, cleans, or cares for the kids. Frustration awaits you on the other side. Stop, think, before your ‘I Do.’

 

The can’t-handle-tough-times man
Sorry to say this, but there is a reason for the ‘for better or worse’ phrase in a marriage vow. A man who shuts down when the going gets tough won’t be there for you when you need him the most. Honestly, You don’t need a husband you can’t count on when the chips are down.