Why Marriages Fail

phrase: “love shouldn’t be this difficult…?”
My rejoinder has always been, ‘why ever not!’ What in life is that easy? Thieves; liars; 419ers, gossips, knotting neckties or tying shoe laces are not that easy. So why should marriage be any less. Our society, nowadays, keeps messing up the minds of men and women who are in or out of wedlock. Most men are as confused as the women about their roles in the home, nowadays, men are seen in the roles of women and vice versa. Women have been stereotyped as only standing and living for money; while the men are stereotyped as living only for sex and changing girls like they change their under wear. Even marriage vows have taken a turnaround too. Is it still For Better or Worse? It’s left for you to decide.
I heard recently that some churches have removed the phrase: For Better, For Worse; In Sickness and In Health from the marriage vows. As if to say “if for better, stay, and when it’s for worse, go.” The media, movies, magazines are not helping matters.
Yes, every relationship has its ups and downs, but it takes matured and serious minded couples to learn how to shoulder these hiccups and keep the engine of their love life running. Some learnt by reading books, some by attending seminars, some by going for counselling, others by observing older and successful couples and some by, simply, using the trial and error method. Whichever works for you, use it. The bottom line is for you to have a blissful marriage and a wonderful home. This we will try to help you achieve on my page “Relationship and You” My 20- year old (NYSC) daughter wants to know why her mates should marry when 30- year old marriages are, today, earning the divorce status.
Here Is Why:
Many marriages are based, primarily, on emotions and as long as certain levels of expectations are met, they remain standing. In other words, when feelings are warm, annoying traits are overlooked. When the feelings cool off, the same traits turn the person into Jezebel or the devil himself. Unmet needs cause hurts, which promote defensiveness, which, in turn, affects positive communication, that results into heightened misunderstanding, which provokes conflicts and fuels anger, bitterness, dislike, leading to acrimony, and the development of an unforgiving spirit, which ends, ultimately, in separation or divorce.
Our being imperfect, should help us or teach us not to compromise and accommodate the flaws of others as we have ours also. Understanding the rudiments of marriage should help the ‘about to’ make good decisions and the wedded to cope better and enjoy their marriage and home. In most cases I have come across, the following issues cause frictions in the marriages and homes:
1 Money:
This problem, sometimes, starts even before the wedding. Money is a necessity in every home. There is nothing like ride or die in a marriage when it comes to money. You must learn how to plan, project and save for the future.
2 Trust:
It’s a vital key for a successful marriage. So if you have trust issues, deal with them, before venturing into marriage and if that’s an issue, with you already in, please try to overcome it.
3 Sex:phrase: “love shouldn’t be this difficult…?”
My rejoinder has always been, ‘why ever not!’ What in life is that easy? Thieves; liars; 419ers, gossips, knotting neckties or tying shoe laces are not that easy. So why should marriage be any less. Our society, nowadays, keeps messing up the minds of men and women who are in or out of wedlock. Most men are as confused as the women about their roles in the home, nowadays, men are seen in the roles of women and vice versa. Women have been stereotyped as only standing and living for money; while the men are stereotyped as living only for sex and changing girls like they change their under wear. Even marriage vows have taken a turnaround too. Is it still For Better or Worse? It’s left for you to decide.
I heard recently that some churches have removed the phrase: For Better, For Worse; In Sickness and In Health from the marriage vows. As if to say “if for better, stay, and when it’s for worse, go.” The media, movies, magazines are not helping matters.
Yes, every relationship has its ups and downs, but it takes matured and serious minded couples to learn how to shoulder these hiccups and keep the engine of their love life running. Some learnt by reading books, some by attending seminars, some by going for counselling, others by observing older and successful couples and some by, simply, using the trial and error method. Whichever works for you, use it. The bottom line is for you to have a blissful marriage and a wonderful home. This we will try to help you achieve on my page “Relationship and You” My 20- year old (NYSC) daughter wants to know why her mates should marry when 30- year old marriages are, today, earning the divorce status.

Here Is Why:
Many marriages are based, primarily, on emotions and as long as certain levels of expectations are met, they remain standing. In other words, when feelings are warm, annoying traits are overlooked. When the feelings cool off, the same traits turn the person into Jezebel or the devil himself. Unmet needs cause hurts, which promote defensiveness, which, in turn, affects positive communication, that results into heightened misunderstanding, which provokes conflicts and fuels anger, bitterness, dislike, leading to acrimony, and the development of an unforgiving spirit, which ends, ultimately, in separation or divorce.
Our being imperfect, should help us or teach us not to compromise and accommodate the flaws of others as we have ours also. Understanding the rudiments of marriage should help the ‘about to’ make good decisions and the wedded to cope better and enjoy their marriage and home. In most cases I have come across, the following issues cause frictions in the marriages and homes:

1 Money:
This problem, sometimes, starts even before the wedding. Money is a necessity in every home. There is nothing like ride or die in a marriage when it comes to money. You must learn how to plan, project and save for the future.

2 Trust:
It’s a vital key for a successful marriage. So if you have trust issues, deal with them, before venturing into marriage and if that’s an issue, with you already in, please try to overcome it.

3 Sex:
Even when you are extremely in love, you could be mismatched sexually. Be careful, before you leap in; and if you are in, learn what turns you on (do a sex list) talk about it and implement, for a better relationship.

4 Communication:
This is another major player for a successful marriage. Communication is the bedrock for a happy home. Learn it and get used to it.

Even when you are extremely in love, you could be mismatched sexually. Be careful, before you leap in; and if you are in, learn what turns you on (do a sex list) talk about it and implement, for a better relationship.

4 Communication:
This is another major player for a successful marriage. Communication is the bedrock for a happy home. Learn it and get used to it.

5 Home Chores:
Seeing you both work so hard to keep the home going on a great monetary level, it’s necessary to share chores to help you relax and have time for each other.

6 Conflicts:
Learn to compromise and remember, both of you are human and not perfect. So accept your faults and create a happy home. And if you can’t live with his/her faults; do not go into it. What you see is what you’ll get. It’s do-able, once you put your mind to it and call for help when needed, it can be blissful.