Wanted: Ministry of Leisure, Pleasure, Enjoyment and Happiness

The combustive human enthusiasm between the establishment of Spain’s Ministry of Sex and the Ministry of Happiness and Couple Fulfillment in Imo State, is only tempered by Saudi Arabia’s Committee for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice. The Saudi contraption is a dampener monitoring whether women are properly dressed so as not to attract men; if men go to mosques for the regular prayers and whether bacherlors and spinsters are segregated.

All these seek to negate the intention of the Spanish Ministry which is partly to ensure that citizens are so attracted that they can copulate freely and produce plenty babies for the future of their country. This is more so when there are migrants especially from Morocco all over the place copulating, procreating and populating. This is why marches like the braless ones, or those that want women to dress any how it pleases them without repercussion, are not uncommon. This is real freedom.

I had wandered about the Spanish kindergarten, learning social studies and being taught about Ministries. Supposing the kid asks what is sex and why it deserves to be part of government structure? I suppose the kid will be told the truth; that sex is the physical activity between mummy and daddy or aunty and uncle. I suppose that will be catching them young. That surely will be better than the modernist culture of homosexuality and same-sex marriage.

My favourite governor, Rochas Okorocha of Imo State has by thinking out of the box and doing the uncommon, already put Nigeria on the world map of unique governance. But he needs to follow the logic of the Spaniards; you cannot have a Ministry of Happiness and Couple Fulfillment or its new nomenclature of ‘Purpose Fulfillment’ without factoring in the implied work of a Ministry of Sex. He needs to understand that generally, for happiness and fulfillment, you need to start with leisure which has given birth to the ‘Thank God it’s Friday’ Movement. Then leisure will be followed by pleasure which culminates in happiness. So properly speaking, it should be the Ministry of Leisure, Pleasure, Enjoyment and Happiness.

One good move Rochas made was to appoint his beautiful sister as the Honourable Commissioner for Happiness. This is putting a round peg in a round hole; a beautiful lady that can inspire happiness hormones and trigger the process. The Spaniards should emulate Rochas by appointing the appropriate person to head any given Ministry. For instance, the Minister of the Sex Ministry should be a public housewife; an expert who knows about it both as pleasure, and a business.

I have read a number of reactions to Rochas ingenuity; some so rude as to label him a ‘madman’ This is taking the freedom of expression and democratic license too far. Even if their false claim that Rochas needs see a doctor is correct, I can confidently argue that there is a method to the alleged ‘madness’ which means he is in full control of his faculties. He did not just wake up one morning to create the new Ministry. He had always thought about creating happiness in the face of want, deprivation and unpaid salaries. So in August 2016, he reduced the weekly work days from five to three. It meant that workers in the state would go to work from Monday to Wednesday and start the weekend from Thursday; being off work four days weekly. That was real enjoyment. He extended the enjoyment to children by giving them pocket money. Some grumbled that he was teaching the children bad habits as they could claim any money found with them was part of the Rochas pocket money. Yet when he stopped, Imolites began campaigns that he was not sincere in the first place, saying that he is a leader of the ruling All Progressives Congress (APC) with the true acronym of the party being ‘All Promises Cancelled’

Then the great Rochas went spiritual deciding to build chapels in the 27 Local Governments in the state, and he was criticised for building houses for God instead of human beings. Can you see how the devil works? When he destroyed the Imo State Library and replaced it with a church, people were also angry. They preferred the acquisition of human knowledge to that of The Almighty.

In his unique style, Rochas has carried out massive demolition of structures including an ancient market, a culture which angered many who would want him build rather than destroy. But Rochas forgives the people for they know not what they are doing or what he is doing. His Commissioner for Information, Tourism and Public Utilities, Chief Vitalis Orikezie Ajumbe belaboured himself explaining the Rochas Philosophy which is that: “destruction leads to development…if you don’t destroy, you won’t develop” In simple English; you must destroy in order to build.

When Rochas the Great, as part of a Nigerian delegation took a photograph with President Barack Obama, he turned it into a huge bill board in the state which the people can behold with pride, smile and be happy. He was attacked for such a noble gesture just as he was attacked for meditating at a meeting in Washington between President Mohammadu Buhari and World Bank President, Jim Yong Kim. The claim was that he slept through the meeting.

Governor Rochas has since moved on to higher callings; where he travelled to visit Presidents, now he invites them and builds statues in their memory. South African President Jacob Zuma came, and saw, as did Liberian President Helen Sirleaf. At least when Imolites look at Zuma’s bust, they will know that their state is backed by the South African Rand and gold. The statues, Roachas explained, are to educate the people. Before the end of his tenure, we look forward to more of these visits and statues; at least sculptors in the country have a patron.

Despite his best efforts, the Governor has not succeeded in putting Nigeria in the Guinness Book of Records as far as governance goes. But he can do that by creating the highest number of Ministries. The record 52 cabinet Ministers is held by President Mahinda Rajapaksa of Sri Lanka. To create a new record, he can create many more Ministries and there can be no shortage of names; Spain for instance has a Ministry of Equality and another Ministry of Territorial Policy. Governor Rochas holds a promise for Nigeria; when he declared: “by the time I leave office, my successor will be jobless” I believe him, and I think you should also.

Owei Lakemfa