Relationship

Why should he be blamed?
Life they say is not bed of roses, so also goes for love that would never be a promise of a rose unless it is showered with light of faith, water of sincerity and air of passion. This was all that Oluwadamilare showed during our stay together but as bad fate would want it, I left, leaving flimsy excuses. I was blind folded by lust not love. It took me so many years to realize the deadly mistake I made that have cost me a fortune. Come to think of it, will I ever be forgiven for that I have done. I need an advice please.

I woke up one morning hoping to have a wonderful moment with my so-called boyfriend, but to my surprise all that was supposed to be nice became sour with the kind of attitude I put up just for the reason been that I saw a guy that I considered better than him. I realized I should have taken my time before taking that decision that brought a stigma to me. I never meant what I did, only that I was blind folded by lust not love. That decision I made changed everything about me and would love people to learn from that.

When I meant Oluwadamilare back in 2002, things were going smoothly because the chemistry between us was so strong that my colleagues in school had several feelings that it might lead to a blissful marriage.

My first meeting with Oluwadamilare was at the school library where I had gone to read in preparation for my fourth coming examination, he starred at me in the library. Later that same day, he came running after me and all he said was friendship.
At first, I refused but later I gradually caved in to his advances.

Things went on smoothly in the first six month of our friendship, but as time went on, I had no choice than to give in to his proposals because then, I was already in love with him. All I was even thinking before he made his moves was praying that he ask me out first since most of our course mate wants him too.

Although Oluwadamilare gave all that a lady desired but I just don’t know what went along the line, I told him I wanted a break for some while. Not that we had a misunderstanding, but I just felt the chemistry wasn’t working out any longer. Even before I told him my intention of quitting our 2years old relationship, the sweet memories of the days shared together would continue to linger in my mind as the most remarkable one was the celebration of our one year relationship where we both had a nice treat at the popular Kuramo Beach before heading to Eko Hotel and Suites where we had a memorable day together. One thing led into another as he demanded sex from me which I bluntly refused, at first, I thought he would be angry about that, but to my believe all he said was that; don’t worry my baby, I was only pulling your legs, I reserve that till when I get you married fully.

Instantly, I had mixed feelings that it was just a normal saying by guys of nowadays so I was not confused about him getting married to me, I thought it was one those lies used by men to flatter girls.

The day my world came crushing was when we had gone to attend a birthday party of his friend, Nifemi at the Nu-Grotto club on the Island. He inquired that we dance together while Oluwadamilare was still busy drinking his beers. We danced for some while before my baby boy joined us on the dance floor. I was impressed by the dance move of Nifemi as I monitored his moves while still holding Damilare closely.

All through the party, my eyes were closely focused on Nifemi, I was carried away by is handsomeness, he sexy lips and his bold smiles, I couldn’t take my eyes off him as all I was thinking was the possibility of him holding me close to his heart.

After the whole day partying with the birthday boy, it was time for us to leave but I made way by confusing Damilare for us to stay a little longer which he obliged as he continue to remind me of the fact that I was the apple of his eyes. Before our discussion ended, I had already gotten his number at the time; Damilare stepped out to use the toilet. He promised to give me a call which he did as promised. All through the night even while sleeping close to my boyfriend, all I was thinking was the nice peck Nifemi gave me at the party.

It took me two months and half to set my eyes on him again as Damilare would not allow me follow him whenever he goes visiting. It got to a stage that I would sneak out of the house to see Nifemi on several occasions.

Nifemi promised all I assume Damilare should tell me, he promises to make me his wife only if I am ready to quit my relationship with Damilare. I told him to give me some time to think over the issue, after some time, I gave a call to him telling him that I have accepted his proposal.

I made all things possible towards finding a fault in Damilare as I started doing things that would up set him and eventually I got the better part of him as he slapped me after an argument erupt between the two of us. I saw that as an opportunity to tell him that I was already sick and tired of the relationship. Damilare felt remorse about his reactions, he pleaded but I gave a deafen ear to him since that was one of the opportunity I was seeking.

Few weeks later, I started a relationship with Nifemi; I must confess that the first nine months of the relationship was splendid as we had sizzling moments together ranging from the visitation to various places and much more the beach side experience.
Things worked out the way I thought as I had the dream of getting married to Nifemi as soon as possible, thus, the first visit to his parents was so nice as I was highly welcomed by his parent who later gave advices on things that would make our relationship last longer.

We made way for the preparation of our said wedding, all the arrangements were made so well, but the only disappointing aspect of it was when Nifemi told me that Damilare’s brother was to be his best man for the occasion. I had mixed feeling immediately that if it were to be a planned game. Nifemi gave me more courage that such would never happen as he never invited Damilare in the first place.

On the very day of our wedding, I was happy and at the same time sad at the other end as my heart told me something weird was going to occur. When the officiating pastor called for the exchange of vows, I was still not balanced; all I was hoping was that the programme comes to an end so soon. The pastor later asked for whoever, will want to the wedding to take place, then Damilare was just coming in into the church, my mind was beating so fast and the top it all, I was already sweating abnormally. All I saw at the end was that he went to have his sit, at this time; my senses were just working as expected.

Later after the church and reception programme, he came congratulating us but later whispered into my ears that he was going to get me back at all cost after hugging me.
I kept on pondering on the word but never allowed Nifemi to know about it, soon after our blissful wedding, Nifemi demanded sex from me which I told him I was not ready due to the stress I had early experienced before and after the wedding; he never gave a listening ears as he used to, but rather all he did was to pounce on me and worst part of it was that I was beaten blue black by him as he even dare to show me more if I refuse to give in to him. Life later became much more miserable for me; as all I thought of was to have a wonderful marriage with Nifemi which later turned out to be soar.
Everything about the marriage was now unbearable for me, I can no longer cope in line with the behaviors of Nifemi, I kept regretting my walking out from my sweet relationship.

Things later got so bad that Nifemi never bordered about what goes on in the family as he barely ask if there was still food stuff at home and things like that, all I notice was that the little moves I take in preparing the meals, all he said was that he had taken enough on his way from the office.

He hardly eat my food, not to talk of sleeping on the same bed with me, I could no longer play along the whole situation, so I rather kept calm of the whole issue.
Things got so bad one day as I have gone to the nearest market to get some food stuffs for the family, only to return and find another lady in my kitchen ditching out food for my husband. I was shocked as I find my husband sitting so close to the lady, cuddling each other as they eat. I asked Nifemi who the lady was only to be shocked by what he responded with.

“You see this lady here is the new woman in my life as the marriage contract between us has expired and the only thing I can tell you now is to pack your things out of my house since you are now irritating me” he said.

I couldn’t believe my ears as I had to shout back on the lady to leave my husband alone, Nifemi only replied in place of the lady by giving a dirty slap.
It was at that point that I realized by presence was no longer needed in the house, so I had to pack out of the house to continue with me life.

My life struggle continues and after about a year and half, I met Damilare again; on sighting him, I thought of running but was hold back by him as he asked after my family. As I turned to explain to me, tears dropped from by eyes.

One thing led into another again as he asked if we could continue our relationship and if possible seals it. He gave me courage to forget everything about my past.
The problem I have now is that I have promise to reconcile with him, but he gave me time to think about it. Therefore I am still contemplating if I should go back to him or rather go into another relationship with another person entirely.

Mutiat Alli