From frying pan to fire
Nigeria is a film house where various scripts are being played right before the public. Entry into this cinema is ‘pro bono’. Spectators are treated to various scripts some of which the viewers can predict the end because there is a ‘deja vu’. Some of these films are short and action packed. But some, as time goes on, become a soap opera with turns and twists. And just like in Nollywood they go on ‘ad infinitum’.
Since life imitates art here, Nigerians love watching these films. At the end of each episode some among us laugh, they chuckle, they giggle even when the script is serious and laden with moral lessons. It touches them but life doesn’t stand still. The ‘Ko matter’ mentality makes life go on for this group while for many others the scripts give sleepless nights and days.
I can’t remember who sang ‘Esu ma se mi, omo elomi ni o se’ – Satan don’t tempt me, look for someone else. That ought to be the prayer or mantra of the lecherous pastor who defiles his congregation, his cassock and the church. The Lord’s house is filled with so many of these latter-day bell-ringing pastors who are wolves in sheep’s cloth. They don’t preach the Word for they don’t even know what the Word is – Sophia. True the Bible says it is Eve the serpent speaks to first but she isn’t the first to eat the forbidden fruit. It is Adam who first tastes the Apple. That loss of control, that split-second error is being passed down like an ancestral curse. It takes a mind of steel to surpass this. Of course these wayward pastors often blame Satan for their mis-demenour.
So also will that speech-writer in the Presidency, that one who’s guilty of the Obama speech plagiarism, blame his error on Satan. The Obamas, Barack and Michele, give thought – provoking speeches. But we should render unto Caesar that which is Caesar’s. The whole world condemned Donald Trump’s wife, Melania, when lines of Michelle Obama’s 2008 speech were found in the address she gave at the Republican Convention last August. The lifted lines should have been quoted. This is allowed. But appropriating someone’s intellectual property portrays the lifter as mentally and intellectually challenged. This plagiarist insulted the intelligence of all Nigerians. The ‘over-zealous’ staff is reported to be a Deputy Director in the Presidency. And the President, PMB has directed ‘that appropriate disciplinary action be taken against those responsible…’. That is an example of short script.
The mother of all novenas broke on the screen last week. No, it isn’t the final episode of Dasukigate. BREAKING NEWS flashed on the huge screen and we read that Mama Peace was in the news again. She wasn’t threatening to storm Sambisa Forest and Bring Back Our Girls this time around. We read that Patience Jonathan, wife of our ex-president claimed ownership of four bank accounts containing USD19,871,307.96 which had been frozen. The Economic and Financial Crimes Commission, EFCC, was reported to have ‘established a prima facie case of money laundering against the former first lady and ten others’ . The news went that Mrs. Jonathan had sued the EFCC and Skye Bank at the Federal High Court in Legos over the freezing of her accounts. She who is neither a director, shareholder nor participant in the companies named in the aforementioned four accounts is ‘urging the court to order Skye Bank to pay her damages for ‘… a violation of her rights to own personal property under Section of 44 of the Constitution’. This film is on-going. Alas, Nigerians can’t predict the outcome of this script. They first juggle their memory to see if there is any ‘deja vu’ in this particular script but the more they think the more tasking it is on their mind. What they’re sure of is that it’s going to be one of those long films. So the best attitude to adopt is ‘siddon look’ and say under one’s breath ‘Dia r is God o’.
Late into the night, even up till the early hours of the following day, Nigerians are still reflecting on the different films shown on their screen. The big screen showing the same melancholic films without any comic relief at all goes quiet. As the dawn breaks a voice comes through saying, ’40 million Nigerians have sleep disorders’. Only a super human would watch the type of scripts described above – most especially the Mama Peace drama – and get a sound sleep. When one translates into naira the USD in the accounts to which Mama Peace laid claim, one’s eyes would be deprived of even a snooze. I believe that our daily dose of film scripts are the same factors ‘causing sleep disturbances’ and conditioning us to have ‘non-specific behaviours at bedtime’. I therefore conclude that all Nigerians have sleep disorders. The pharmacist who sells Valium can vouch for it. How does one solve a problem like Nigeria?
