How I narrowly escaped death from violent husband – Survivor

For some women, home is no longer a safe haven where they find peace and succour. They live in fear of their spouses who are meant to love and protect them.

SODIQ OJUROUNGBE writes about how domestic violence is taking a terrible toll on victims, chronicling their pains, journey to freedom and attempts to rebuild somewhat shattered dreams.

Arike’s story is typical of many young ladies with happy-ever-after dreams. She met, fell in love and got married to her heartthrob. But soon after the wedding, her husband, Olamilekan Idowu began to exhibit certain vile behaviours that got his wife bothered.

According to Arike, who is a fashion designer, he suddenly became controlling and demanding, and he would lose his temper and beat her up over small issues.

The young lady said at first, she tried to excuse his behaviour and blamed it on stress but as the beatings increased, she realised that this was not just a phase but her life’s reality.

For 13 years, Arike lived in fear of her husband and walked on eggshells around him to avoid being kicked and punched.

Over time, the mother of three normalised the abuse, learned to cover her bruises with makeup and continued about the ‘happy’ state of her home to friends and family members.

Sadly, gradually eating away at Arike’s being was the emotional abuse she was subjected to by her husband.

“He would call me names and tell me that I am worthless. He made me feel like I was nothing without him. And yet, I stayed because of the fear of what would happen if I left,” she narrated with tears.

She told Daily times Healthwise that anytime she ran away, her husband would look for her and forcibly take her back home.

Despite being arrested for assaulting her and made to sign an undertaken by the Nigeria Police, Arike’s husband did not desist from pummelling her.

The fashion designer revealed that she at some point lost count of the number of times she was admitted to the hospital on account of grievous injuries inflicted on her by her husband.

According to her, the marriage became a living hell, narrating, “I married him in 2010 and was living in bondage until October this year.

“Even though I caught my husband cheating on me a few years after we got married, I dare not question his movement or actions. He will even be calling the woman while with me and I dare not talk.

“He may leave the house for several months, and when he comes back, I can’t say anything, rather I will welcome him nicely and just act like everything is fine.

I left this October but he has been disturbing me, and I am sure he will get to me and force me back home soon.”

Attempted suicide

Arike’s children have been on the receiving end of their mother’s constant abuse at the hands of their father. Witnessing the fights had taken a terrible toll on them.

Her son, Joshua now struggles with depression and nurses suicide ideations, Arike revealed with a concerned look.

She said, “On two different occasions, my first son attempted to kill himself and people were telling me it was spiritual. I tried to ask him what was wrong, but he did not say anything to me. I didn’t know that the constant fighting between me and his father had driven him into depression.

“On his 12th birthday, he wrote a letter saying that he wanted to end his life because he couldn’t bear to see his mother suffer any longer.

“I got the letter when I was trying to clean the house and when I called him to ask why he wrote such, he complained and expressed displeasure over our frequent fights. It was heartbreaking for me to know that my son felt this way, and it only strengthened my resolve to get out of the abusive relationship.

I knew that my children deserved better than this. They needed to feel safe and loved, and I am determined to give them that. If I am financially stable, I would just get out finally and never look back.”

The letter, which was sighted by Healthwise and titled ‘The day I will never forget’, chronicled the different fights between his parent and how had been planning to commit suicide or run away from home.