Budgeting for change with budget of change

I am not a fan of Chief MAOO Obasanjo, a born again general, democrat-in-reverse, writer, and NOUN   student.  I detest his holier- than-thou attitude and poor concern for others quotient. But he boasts of several quotable quotes and when spirit is right, he can give Ali Baba a run for his money in the comedy domain. One of those days was when he declared 5 years ago, I just de laugh! And there was nothing laughable about the issue at stake; the emergence of his frenemy( friend and enemy), Atiku Abubakar as the northern consensus candidate of PDP in the 2011  presidential elections. And though national budgeting is a very serious affair and despite the grievous implications of the 2016 budget charade, I will borrow this quotable quote from OBJ: I just de laff!
Recently,  Ndy Nkpa  published  the outcome of  an interesting assignment to a group of Nigerian students, which  bothered on the definition and advantages of Nigerian zero- budgeting(ZB). The winning answer defined ZB as a practice of adding several zeros to every cost items in the previous  budget. That definition was ingeneous and unbeatable. The Guinness Book of Records is also considering it as one of the greatest intellectual outcomes in 2016. However my only problem with this definition remains: which budget? Is it the ORIGINAL MISSING DOCTORED (counterfeit) CORRECTED) or the OMNIBUS budget? Even when the NASS continued to dance awilo with the budget and has rescheduled its passage several times, question remains, which budget are we talking about? Which budget was PMB lobbying to pass? What type of acceptable lobbying will an anti-corruption President undertake and why did he bypass Saraki to negotiate directly with the appropriate committee chairmen(Senator Danjuma Goje &  Hon. Jibrin Abdulmumin,) who of course are his brothers?
For the first time in world economic history, a national budget went missing!  Eventually, it was announced that the integrity of the massive document was violated by Buhari’s personal staff.   Eventually PMB wrote to withdraw and replace the budget, blaming the gods, some ghosts and budget mafia for the fraudulent manipulation. And while Buhari agreed that what the minister prepared was not what was being debated, Lai declared that there was no padding. And while the government declared that it operated a ZB framework, the Auditor General Declaredthat “this year’s budget is enveloped-based”. Incidentally, the only punishment for those budget rats was mass transfer!  There was no apology and nobody claimed responsibility. I just de laff !
Many of those commenting on the budget have not seen a copy and at best, only saw a soft copy of whichever version it was. Well, the budget is 1800+ pages. Just consider the following: The New Jerusalem Bible, is 1,463 pages; Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary, 1,713 pages ;New King James Bible( Giant print, center reference)  1,763 pages while Chambers 20th Century Dictionary(1977) is 1,652pages. Now you have an idea of the size of the budget. That is why a Hilux Van cost N5m and 27m! That is why there is rent for Aso rock and why the VP would read 5m worth of books in this online age. Anyway, I just de laff!
PMB and the APC government had promised that it would never be business as usual. The 2016 budget specifically was to ensure that our resources are managed prudently and utilised solely for the public good. Well, the Presidency voted N39b for travels and transportation in a period when Buhari should stay at home, N362m for Wildlife Conservation N90m for restaurant/kitchen equipment, N1.1bn for new vehicles even though the PMB had said he does not need new cars. And just a few days to the shifty passage of the budget, another set of 25 fresh errors amounting to N37bn or rather N500bn, was discovered. And even before then, the minister of health and the minister of information disowned the budgets of change.
While the budget crises that brought national shame and ridicule before the right thinking members of the global community was at its height and while Naira was heading towards 400 to a Dollar, the FEC met on 17/2/16 to praise PMB on his unbridled travel mania. The VP even had the presence of mind to go for a valentine outing in Dubai,even as  Lai even said that Nigeria was a pariah state before the Buhari presidency happened.
Anyway, as the senate has passed a budget of 6.02rn, I have these interim questions: is this an envelope or a zero-based budget? How come the figure was N6.02trn after the padding, duplication, and several frivolous and ghost items? Anyway, long live zero-budgeting; long live the budget mafia and long live the people of Nigeria. I de laff!
Ik Muo (PhD) is of the  Department of Business administration, OOU, Ago-Iwoye.